Been gone for awhile. A lot and not much has happened since. But I haven’t shared anything because I’ve been frozen by doubt. Questioning my relationships, goals, talents, location, work. And doubt isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Doubt is life, basically, without getting too philosophical. Nothing is certain, but I was letting the questions paralyze me. Not out of anxiety or sadness. I just didn’t know anything so I didn’t invest in anything. I still know nothing, for the record.
As the standstill continued, I felt increasingly removed from the doubt. Ignoring it was easier, but that’s not who I want to be. I always say indifference is my biggest flaw. And strength. I can really turn off.
I was too worried to share my experiences in Morocco because I didn’t want to tell a single story to represent an entire culture, so I didn’t. I was tired of feeling guilty for every obstacle in relationships, so I disconnected. I was over all of the assumptions, expectations, questions, judgements, and disappointments. Mine and others’. So I just let them exist without my acknowledgement.
Doubt, please take off your coat, stay. Not that you need an invitation. But beware, I only feed faith. Faith in all forms- religious, spiritual, psychological- never asks questions. Faith is trust, the only answer to every doubt. Faith believes in whatever I want to believe in- in me, in love, in humanity, even in you. So I’m riding on faith because it protects and empowers me. I encourage you to do the same, unless questioning everything is working for you.