I spoke the other day about how I have been doing gratitude journaling every morning for several months. It has been an invaluable practice for me and has impacted how I spend my days and take care of myself. It starts my day with the right mindset and motivates me to be productive.
I also heard of morning pages a couple of months ago online. It’s a stream of consciousness form of journaling. You wake up and write whatever is on your mind without rhyme or reason. The first thought that came to mind is, Every day I’m going to just write that I’m tired and want to go back to sleep and then keep complaining. Gratitude journaling was a way to start of the my day positively, and I was worried that I’d lose that with morning pages.
I was scared to let myself be free because I didn’t know where my thoughts would go. I have been controlling my mind so well lately and didn’t want to lose that balance. Recently, a high school friend Ami posted on Instagram a caption that she had written during morning pages. I told her I’d considered that type of journaling and explained my fears. She replied that it is scary, that she was in a similar place, feeling very in control, but it was covering up a lot of the issues she’d been suppressing. She also said a lot of forgiveness came rushing in once she’d confronted what she really was feeling.
So that was my motivation to start. I have noticed in the last couple of months that I need more forgiveness for myself. And I relate to her feeling like she was in this vacuum and everything felt fine but there was more to the story. I definitely am happier than ever but it’s still not flowing deep enough. It’s too easily derailed because there are still things I’m avoiding.
I’ve been practicing morning pages for several days now, and I finally have had some eye-opening sessions. Some things I write I feel like I’ve already dealt with, but then I realize I’ve only thought of them on a subconscious level so they stay within me. I have never let them out and taken the power from them and forgiven myself or even taken responsibility for my role in certain issues. It’s the only way to be free from the past.