I’m the kind of person who won’t start something because I don’t think it’ll be good. But I’m restricting myself from improving by not daring to fail. And I don’t want that egotistical tendency to keep me from approaching my potential. I know deep down that failing is the only way to succeed, but I have always labeled failure as a waste of time. And I’m out here trying whatever I can to change that.
I heard something interesting the other day. During a roundtable with several of the past year’s most accomplished actors, Hugh Jackman recounted a time when he called himself a perfectionist to a friend. His friend interrupted, saying he too used to call himself a perfectionist, but after several years realized he was just insecure. Jackman agrees he is always striving for perfection but asks when the last time was that a perfectionist actually reached perfection? Never is the obvious answer. Perfection doesn’t exist. So how can you be a perfectionist who never reaches perfection? The less cool and more accurate way to put it is, I’m insecure. I’m basing my self-worth, my confidence, my identity on this project, and that’s why I’m scared that it’s not perfect.
I’m definitely not a perfectionist because I’ve never made anything perfect. I’m just insecure about judgement. But that’s putting the power to control my actions into the hands of others. I always share what’s true to me, but I’m much more than every imperfect piece I share with the world. Although perfection isn’t real, greatness is. And I’ll never reach anywhere near that without first relinquishing the battle with perfection.